Your names matter

What is a Hebrew Name? Isn’t it the same thing as my name written in Hebrew?

Hebrew names are not just writing names in Hebrew letters or using biblically derived names. They are special ritual names given for a bris, baby naming, or conversion. Not every Jew has a one, but if you do have one, it is customary to preserve it by using it in the Hebrew portion of your ketubah. Hebrew names are made up of two parts, Given Name and Parentage (ben/bat Parents’ name). For Orthodox Jews, parentage is the Father’s given name. For everyone else, it is mother’s and father’s given names. Parents’ given names are used as identifying information, very much like a last or family name. They aren’t used to honor or include them.

Do we have to include our parents’ names?

In English, it is entirely your preference. Some couples feel awkward including their parents for a variety of very good reasons. I have no problem changing any of the wording to better reflect your preferences.

However, Hebrew names are not complete without parentage (ben/bat Parent name). Parents’ names are not included to honor them, but to act as identifying information. For Orthodox/traditionally observant Jews this means the father’s name. For everyone else, it means both parents’ names.

Not including a parent’s name may say something you don’t intend and may affect your status according to Jewish law. For instance, in a traditional ketubah not listing a father’s Hebrew name indicates that the father is unknown (or not Jewish) and the person was born illegitimately. Not listing any parentage (at least a mother’s name) would be taken to mean that the person was a foundling, abandoned at birth, and may not be Jewish.

Before you make a decision, make sure that your rabbi is okay with it.

My fiancé/fiancée or a parent is not Jewish. Are we doing the right thing with Hebrew names?

Typically, couples choose to write the non-Jewish names phonetically in Hebrew. This is a good solid choice because it doesn’t make claims on anyone’s identity, their names are their names. If the Jewish partner gives their ritual Hebrew name, I will use the same format for both names in Hebrew. In the absence of any Hebrew name - the secular name is the only one listed for both partners, I will use a formal secular format in modern Hebrew with names written phonetically in Hebrew.